Weekend fun - A bit of a long read . . . .

[Neil Fuller <neil@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

As it's the weekend and low traffic, I thought a few might find this
amusing, particularly No 27 . . . . . . .

> International Rules of Manliness
>
>
> 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the
> footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only
> it is


> permissible.
>
>
>
> 2: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
>
>
>
>
>
> a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
>
>
>
>
>
> b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
>
>
>
>
>
> c. After wrecking your boss' car.
>
>
>
>
>
> d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
>
>
>
>
>
> e. When she is using her teeth.


> 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed
and
> eaten by his mates.
>
>
>
> 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out
> of jail within 12 hours.
>
>
>
> 5: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
> limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
>
>
>
> 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
forbidden.
>
> However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>
>
>
> 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
> man.
>
>
>
> In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is
> strictly optional.
>
>
>
> 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
> weakest.
>
>
>
> 9: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may
> ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is
> playing.
>
>
>
> 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
> her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose
of
> flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
>
>
>
> 11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop rink only when you're
> sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
> supermodel... and it's free.
>
>
>
> 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to
> kick another bloke in the nuts.
>
>
>
> 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
>
>
> 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>
>
>
> 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
>
>
>
> 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be
treated as spies
> until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or
> LBW)and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
>
>
>
> 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
> remain sober enough to fight.
>
>
>
> 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
> pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
>
>
>
> 19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
> about his choice of beer.
>
>
>
> 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours
> except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.
>
>
>
> 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
> weights:
>
>
>
>
>
> A. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
>
>
>
>
>
> b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
>
>
>
>
>
> c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
>
>
>
>
>
> 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
>
> i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
> situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.
>
>
>
> 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
> than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
> Hang up if necessary.
>
>
>
> 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
friend"
> Have had drunken s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is
no
> reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion
about
> what a big mistake it was occurs.
>
>
>
> 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for
> her to drive yours.
>
>
>
> 26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime
green,
> orange or sky blue.
>
>
>
> 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
> Christmas?"
> with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
Xbox. End of
> story.
>
>
>
> 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
> Gymnastics.
>
> Ever
>