[OT] Friday Fun....If Airlines Sold Paint

["Rob Mouser" <groups@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

I know this is one of Mark McCall's favourite subjects so....enjoy:
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IF   AIRLINES   SOLD   PAINT

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If you are wondering how our airlines can go bankrupt read this...

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Customer:  Hi. How much is your paint?

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Clerk:   Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

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Customer:   Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?

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Clerk:   Our lowest price is =A312 a Litre, and we have 60 different
prices=
up to =A3200 a Litre.

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Customer:   What's the difference in the paint?

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Clerk:   Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.

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Customer:   Well, then I'd like some of that =A312 paint.

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Clerk:   When do you intend to use the paint?

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Customer:   I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.

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Clerk:   Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the =A3200 paint.

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Customer:   When would I have to paint to get the =A312 paint?

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Clerk:   You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks.  
But=
you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and co=
ntinue painting until at least Sunday.

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Customer:   You've got to be *&%A#@* kidding!

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Clerk:   I'll check and see if we have any paint available.

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Customer:   You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it! ...

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Clerk:   But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell only a
c=
ertain number of Litres on any given weekend.   Oh, and by the way, the
pri=
ce per Litre just went to =A316.   We don't have any more =A312 paint.

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Customer:   The price went up as we were talking?

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Clerk:   Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day,
=
and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint
yet,=
we just decided to change.   I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as =
possible.   How many Litres do you want?

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Customer:   Well, maybe five Litres. Make that six, so I'll have enough.

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Clerk:   Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use it
t=
here are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

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Customer:   WHAT?

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Clerk:   We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and
no=
rth bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will
l=
ose your remaining Litres of paint.

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Customer:   What does it matter whether I use all the paint?   I already
pa=
id you for it!

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Clerk:   We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used,
ever=
y drop.   If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.

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Customer:   This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I
don't=
keep painting until after Saturday night!

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Clerk:   Oh yes! Every Litre you bought automatically becomes the =A3200
pa=
int.

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Customer:   But what are all these, "Paint on sale from =A310 a
litre" sign=
s?

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Clerk:   Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in half-Litres.
On=
e =A35 half-Litre will do half a room.   The second half-Litre to complete
=
the room is =A320.   None of the cans have labels, some are empty and
there=
are no refunds, even on the empty cans.

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Customer:   To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!

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Clerk:   I don't think so, sir.   You may be able to buy paint for your
bat=
hroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else,
but=
you won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone b=
ut us and I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one
direction,=
it will be =A3300 a Litre.

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Customer:   I thought your most expensive paint was =A3200!

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Clerk:   That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you
star=
ted.   A hallway is different.

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Customer:   And if I buy =A3200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one
d=
irection, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.

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Clerk:   No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your
=
next Litre of paint.   But I believe you're getting it now, sir.

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Customer:   You're insane!

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Clerk:   Thanks for Painting with XXX.



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